I don't even know what to say....I'm at work and today's the day our sperm clears...i think i was hoping to be told by my doctor to start synarel straight away or something...coz we've had to wait sooooooooooooo long...but no...i was wrong...of course there's more waiting...
I am not very patient you see...i feel so frustrated today...i just found out i have another 3 friggin weeks on the pill and then the synarel and injections etc...i really fucking hate being on the pill....frustration, angry yuk....blaaahhh....constant nausea....
Thanks i need to vent....i'm so sick of waiting it's driving me crazy right now....
sometime today i will find some grace, but right now i'm so friggin pissed off.....i could cry right now but i'm in a call centre and have to answer calls...not a good look...this has happened to me before whilst dealing with this conception journey and i have to get off and run to the bathroom...have a cry and come back...my management are lovely and understand.....as much as they can i suppose...although i don't talk about it all that much....i feel so angry...i think it might be with myself for having any expectation...bugger it...i'm human...i had a bit of hope again that we're getting closer to our little baby...hopefully...
ahhhh all in good time....one more time...I must surrender....xxx
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
Frustrated.. need help
Hi All,
i had a list of links that i visit regularly and i've lost them and cannot seem to put them back on my page....i am frustrated...any clues on how to retrieve them?
I have had a look at my page layout and they are there but do not seem to appear here on my blog???? very strange...
Ps...today our sperm clears...am still WAITING to find out when to start IVF drugs...here we go...
I am feeling ok about it...just waiting and all will be revealed.
i am at work and distracted which is nice...Have been feeling very nauseousfrom the pill...
hope all are well x
i had a list of links that i visit regularly and i've lost them and cannot seem to put them back on my page....i am frustrated...any clues on how to retrieve them?
I have had a look at my page layout and they are there but do not seem to appear here on my blog???? very strange...
Ps...today our sperm clears...am still WAITING to find out when to start IVF drugs...here we go...
I am feeling ok about it...just waiting and all will be revealed.
i am at work and distracted which is nice...Have been feeling very nauseousfrom the pill...
hope all are well x
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Waiting waiting
Hi All,
It's been a while since my last post...I've had a good week ...just working and enjoying some time off the pill whilst waiting for my period and last night I started the pill again...let me tell you I was up during the night.Every time i turned overI felt sick with nausea....it's so strong...and it's only the beginning of things to come...i had a restless night and like some of you out there i too have been waking in the early hours of the morning with unconscious stresses.
It's a constant thing in the back of my mind....waiting to have the sperm cleared....waiting to start synarel etc...waiting for a schedule to start the hormones....will i be able to function normally?....perform shows?....Can i book shows for the next month or will i be a maniac on hormones and feeling too sick and hormonal? Anyway i came to a conclusion after work yesterday when i was sitting in the back yard staring up at the clouds that i have to surrender......once again it's that marvellous revellation...SURRENDER.... i felt much better...
hope you are all doing well out there...see you soon xxx
It's been a while since my last post...I've had a good week ...just working and enjoying some time off the pill whilst waiting for my period and last night I started the pill again...let me tell you I was up during the night.Every time i turned overI felt sick with nausea....it's so strong...and it's only the beginning of things to come...i had a restless night and like some of you out there i too have been waking in the early hours of the morning with unconscious stresses.
It's a constant thing in the back of my mind....waiting to have the sperm cleared....waiting to start synarel etc...waiting for a schedule to start the hormones....will i be able to function normally?....perform shows?....Can i book shows for the next month or will i be a maniac on hormones and feeling too sick and hormonal? Anyway i came to a conclusion after work yesterday when i was sitting in the back yard staring up at the clouds that i have to surrender......once again it's that marvellous revellation...SURRENDER.... i felt much better...
hope you are all doing well out there...see you soon xxx
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Blessing in Disguise...
Hi All,
I can't tell you pleased i am with myself for finding this outlet for my feelings and thoughts...
I'm sure everyone who finds it for the first while is thrilled...especially when people respond...it really connects us all somehow...anyway enuff shmaltz...
I even found a nice photo of me and my girl ...very proud!
We travelled to Vietnam for a whole month in dec 2006...It was a forced holiday in that we were expecting to be well into our IVF process but were rudely awakened with the reality that we had to wait 6 friggin months for our donor's sperm to be in quarrantine(even though i'd already been pregnant with his sperm before! i swear this country and especially Victoria is way too conservative for words!!!!)...i tell you after everything we'd been thru it was a nightmare for a few days....until we realised that we had time on our hands and I came up with the plan for our giant overseas trip...WOOO HOOO...we had the most wonderful, exciting time....such a great idea, it was the only thing that could've got me thru the waiting...I'm impatient as it is...and the trip was a true blessing in disguise...We got to forget about baby making for a while, let our hair down...drink vietnamese rice wine and beer and have a friggin ball...and eat our way around the country....delicious...bye for now x
I can't tell you pleased i am with myself for finding this outlet for my feelings and thoughts...
I'm sure everyone who finds it for the first while is thrilled...especially when people respond...it really connects us all somehow...anyway enuff shmaltz...
I even found a nice photo of me and my girl ...very proud!
We travelled to Vietnam for a whole month in dec 2006...It was a forced holiday in that we were expecting to be well into our IVF process but were rudely awakened with the reality that we had to wait 6 friggin months for our donor's sperm to be in quarrantine(even though i'd already been pregnant with his sperm before! i swear this country and especially Victoria is way too conservative for words!!!!)...i tell you after everything we'd been thru it was a nightmare for a few days....until we realised that we had time on our hands and I came up with the plan for our giant overseas trip...WOOO HOOO...we had the most wonderful, exciting time....such a great idea, it was the only thing that could've got me thru the waiting...I'm impatient as it is...and the trip was a true blessing in disguise...We got to forget about baby making for a while, let our hair down...drink vietnamese rice wine and beer and have a friggin ball...and eat our way around the country....delicious...bye for now x
Monday, March 12, 2007
Mental Bitch???
Hi All,
am sitting at work...reading thru all the wonderful posts of all dykes trying to make babies and i feel heart warmed...we are not alone...this is wonderful to know....Posting is the best...you can tell i'm a newy...
i just found out today that i'm starting synarel in two weeks i think...so am eagerly waiting to get things going...not very excited about the mad bitch i might turn into as a result of the hormones but i am so very lucky to have a very understanding, strong and funny partner in Di...she's amazing and really can make me laugh when i least expect it.She's also been warned that i may not want to laugh....but...i always do...at some point...either laugh or cry or both.... what else can you do?...i am a bit scared of how i'm going to handle these hormones etc for IVF...but i'm doing it anyway...it's our only chance to have a baby and it's impotant for us to give it our best go....
so 3 years down the track here we are...
We went to visit some close friends on the weekend in the country and hung out in pyjamas and laughed and ate heaps....such a great weekend. my friends also went thru IVF but didn't have a baby unfortunately. They are ok now and have a full and wonderful life together...i am lucky to be able to chat with them about it and they assured me i can ring them anytime...even if i'm on the floor ,pulling my hair out and throwing knives....
This is going to be fun.... I said to Di that normally i am a responsible drama queen...you know what i mean? but i'm scared that i will be out of control on these hormones...and some mental bitch will come out of me and i won't be able to control it... LOL Hope everyone else is doing well...bye for now...
am sitting at work...reading thru all the wonderful posts of all dykes trying to make babies and i feel heart warmed...we are not alone...this is wonderful to know....Posting is the best...you can tell i'm a newy...
i just found out today that i'm starting synarel in two weeks i think...so am eagerly waiting to get things going...not very excited about the mad bitch i might turn into as a result of the hormones but i am so very lucky to have a very understanding, strong and funny partner in Di...she's amazing and really can make me laugh when i least expect it.She's also been warned that i may not want to laugh....but...i always do...at some point...either laugh or cry or both.... what else can you do?...i am a bit scared of how i'm going to handle these hormones etc for IVF...but i'm doing it anyway...it's our only chance to have a baby and it's impotant for us to give it our best go....
so 3 years down the track here we are...
We went to visit some close friends on the weekend in the country and hung out in pyjamas and laughed and ate heaps....such a great weekend. my friends also went thru IVF but didn't have a baby unfortunately. They are ok now and have a full and wonderful life together...i am lucky to be able to chat with them about it and they assured me i can ring them anytime...even if i'm on the floor ,pulling my hair out and throwing knives....
This is going to be fun.... I said to Di that normally i am a responsible drama queen...you know what i mean? but i'm scared that i will be out of control on these hormones...and some mental bitch will come out of me and i won't be able to control it... LOL Hope everyone else is doing well...bye for now...
Thursday, March 8, 2007
First Blog
Hello to everyone,
I have been inspired by The Muriels and my desparate need to connect with others whilst on this mad journey of trying to conceive a child.
My partner Di and I have been trying to conceive a baby for 3 years now....I have had a miscarriage and two years ago I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured, resulting in major surgergy and major trauma....That was two years ago....many tears and lots of therapy later I am feeling ok now.
We are on the IVF program now......well actually we've been waiting for 6 months for our donor's sperm to finish quarrantine.....i am on the pill and i have about 4 weeks until i start the heavier hormones.
We had such a full on week.....had our first nurses appointment....i actually gave myself an injection in preparation for the ones to come....pretty brave huh!
We were anticipating receiving our schedule and starting this week but they got the dates wrong and we have to wait...
so much waiting...so much to go through.....aaaggghh
I was so frustrated and upset...I'm ok for now....just needed to reach out to others...it's amazing to keep realising one's potential to keep on going despite the difficulties.....
I have been inspired by The Muriels and my desparate need to connect with others whilst on this mad journey of trying to conceive a child.
My partner Di and I have been trying to conceive a baby for 3 years now....I have had a miscarriage and two years ago I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured, resulting in major surgergy and major trauma....That was two years ago....many tears and lots of therapy later I am feeling ok now.
We are on the IVF program now......well actually we've been waiting for 6 months for our donor's sperm to finish quarrantine.....i am on the pill and i have about 4 weeks until i start the heavier hormones.
We had such a full on week.....had our first nurses appointment....i actually gave myself an injection in preparation for the ones to come....pretty brave huh!
We were anticipating receiving our schedule and starting this week but they got the dates wrong and we have to wait...
so much waiting...so much to go through.....aaaggghh
I was so frustrated and upset...I'm ok for now....just needed to reach out to others...it's amazing to keep realising one's potential to keep on going despite the difficulties.....
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