Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Moving on and feeling good

Hi Everyone,
It's been a week or so since my last post....
Wow...what a journey....

So i had a chemical pregnancy which was just short by a week of being a miscarriage....
chemical pregnancy is when you test positive for a pregnancy but the level of hormone is very low and you bleed before 6 weeks....

i had never heard of it before....

I'm ok now....had a couple of really hard days...lots of tears and i'm back feeling great actually....
I am constantly astounded with my ability to bounce back so quickly...

You'd think i'd get it after so long and having gone through so much already on this journey of making a baby.
I need to admit it to myself...i am courageous and tough and vulnerable....3 perfect ingredients for becoming a mum....

Will start the seratec tests on sunday and go for my thaw scan that day too....

hope eveyone is travelling well...
xxx

Monday, June 18, 2007

Upset and scared

Hi everyone,
God what a ride!
i did a pregnancy test on sunday and it was positive..
I've been feeling nauseus for 8 or 9 days....i felt the implantation ages ago and no blood....so i'm pretty excited.....and feeling so sure about it....

then i went for the blood test on monday and the result was only a level of 14 ?????? they want it to be 100....
go fucken figure that one out?...I'm so upset...and scared ...
they told me to go back on thurs for another blood test.

The fucken waiting....

i feel so teary and i'm at work and fuck it,,

I have to pull myself together. I'm working all day and my singing workshop is starting tonight...
It'll be a good distraction....
I feel silly to even tell myself to be hopeful at this point but i may as well because there's still no sign of a period....
I just hope it doesn't drag on for too long where i have to keep going for blood tests and wait weeks and then deal with a miscarriage or something....
ok now i'm in tears at my desk, luckily know one can see me right now....
better out than in i always say....
thanks for listening. x

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Waiting.....

Hi Everyone,
I have a blood test on monday, that's 3 days away to see if i'm pregnant.
I've been feeling really nauseus all week. I don't like to speculate....don't even want to write...
I'm feeling really good, relaxed, i can't quite believe it.....me relaxed
I'm wondering how long it will last?...it's been two weeks of me being relaxed..I'm in shock...

I don't know what else to write....i don't want to jinx it....as if anything i write or don't write could make a difference as to whether i'm pregnant or not :)

I'm starting a new singing workshop next week. I'm facilitating it here at my work after hours.
I'm quite excited and there's 8 participants.....nice and intimate.
Hope everyone is travelling well....

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

New Doco

Hi Everyone,
Had a great time at the Maybe Baby dinner the other night.
We got a sneak preview of a new documentary that's being released on SBS and at Film festivals soon. It's called 'Two Mums and a Dad'.It was excellent!
A real insight into one queer family's journey through conception, negotiating terms for the dad/donor and of course the birth of their beautiful baby.
It was very real and got people talking immediately.
It'll bring an awareness and opportunity for discussion about all the issues we face along this journey.I really got so much out of it and mostly felt a sense of hope that it is all possible.

I feel really relaxed and happy at the moment...Everything is out of my control and i'm ok with it for now....it's still the first week since our second transfer and i'm just so pleased with myself for relaxing and i guess i'm really happy to be off the IVF drugs and stress that caused me.
Hope everyone is travelling well. xxx

Monday, June 4, 2007

Next transfer

Hi All,
I'm doing well at the moment...feeling very relaxed about it all for now...trying to take each day as it conmes and it's working...i've let go of the stress and am one happy shiela!
We had our second transfer on sunday and all went well. They had taken an embryo out but it didn't last so they thawed another one and now we have 3 frozen left.
We've decided not to talk about it to anyone this time...just hold it to ourselves and talk if we need to but it feels right for now not to tell anyone about it....we'll see how we go...
I'm happy i've got this space to talk if i need to...
i have to whinge...i had 4 blood tests last week as they were trying to find out if and when i was ovulating and on the last test she brused me so badly, i wish i could show you a photo...it's 10cm long, purple and blue and it hurt!!!

I'm fine now...
another whinge off the topic...
I'm working in a call centre...we had my space and facebook to entertain us...a wonderful thing.They've just blocked myspace and facebook and i'm not happy...I've managed to find a proxy for myspace but it's so slow...
anyway that's my whinge...
Anyone going to the Maybe Baby Dinner toninght at Dantes? We'll be there!
see you all soon xxx