Waiting.....

Hi Everyone,
I have a blood test on monday, that's 3 days away to see if i'm pregnant.
I've been feeling really nauseus all week. I don't like to speculate....don't even want to write...
I'm feeling really good, relaxed, i can't quite believe it.....me relaxed
I'm wondering how long it will last?...it's been two weeks of me being relaxed..I'm in shock...

I don't know what else to write....i don't want to jinx it....as if anything i write or don't write could make a difference as to whether i'm pregnant or not :)

I'm starting a new singing workshop next week. I'm facilitating it here at my work after hours.
I'm quite excited and there's 8 participants.....nice and intimate.
Hope everyone is travelling well....

New Doco

Hi Everyone,
Had a great time at the Maybe Baby dinner the other night.
We got a sneak preview of a new documentary that's being released on SBS and at Film festivals soon. It's called 'Two Mums and a Dad'.It was excellent!
A real insight into one queer family's journey through conception, negotiating terms for the dad/donor and of course the birth of their beautiful baby.
It was very real and got people talking immediately.
It'll bring an awareness and opportunity for discussion about all the issues we face along this journey.I really got so much out of it and mostly felt a sense of hope that it is all possible.

I feel really relaxed and happy at the moment...Everything is out of my control and i'm ok with it for now....it's still the first week since our second transfer and i'm just so pleased with myself for relaxing and i guess i'm really happy to be off the IVF drugs and stress that caused me.
Hope everyone is travelling well. xxx

Next transfer

Hi All,
I'm doing well at the moment...feeling very relaxed about it all for now...trying to take each day as it conmes and it's working...i've let go of the stress and am one happy shiela!
We had our second transfer on sunday and all went well. They had taken an embryo out but it didn't last so they thawed another one and now we have 3 frozen left.
We've decided not to talk about it to anyone this time...just hold it to ourselves and talk if we need to but it feels right for now not to tell anyone about it....we'll see how we go...
I'm happy i've got this space to talk if i need to...
i have to whinge...i had 4 blood tests last week as they were trying to find out if and when i was ovulating and on the last test she brused me so badly, i wish i could show you a photo...it's 10cm long, purple and blue and it hurt!!!

I'm fine now...
another whinge off the topic...
I'm working in a call centre...we had my space and facebook to entertain us...a wonderful thing.They've just blocked myspace and facebook and i'm not happy...I've managed to find a proxy for myspace but it's so slow...
anyway that's my whinge...
Anyone going to the Maybe Baby Dinner toninght at Dantes? We'll be there!
see you all soon xxx

Feeling better

Hi Everyone,
i'm feeling better today...it's amazing how a good night's sleep fixes everything...except my neck which is still out but getting better...
No more stress for me today...which is great!
i didn't get to meditating, just had a bit of a cry when i got home from work...had a hug from my girl and a hot shower....
Has anyone heard about ovulation being late after a stim cycle on IVF?
I'm already day 15 and no sign. i reckon it's around the corner....I'm not worrying....
I havn't touched my music in ages....a few moments here and there but nothing solid...i 'll get there again soon...I'm missing it...
I did one concert in the heart of taking all the drugs and it was a great distraction but a bit hard to manage...it was a big one, but singing just felt so good( even though my neck had gone out for that event too...friggin stresshead !)
if anyone wants to hear some of my music i have some demos up on myspace.
my address is www.myspace.com/mandysiegel it's a fun web space connecting more and more people in this virtual world of plenty.
I am so grateful for the connections I'm making online, especially here at the heart of some truly difficult times...it really helps you get thru so much.
Just writing about whatever you feel is brilliant.
Hope everyone is travelling well and if not, hang in there, another day is just round the corner xxx

The Next Steps

Hi Everyone,
Here we are day 14 and still no sign of a surge....i had a day 10 scan and my doc could see an egg beginning but nothing showing yet. I had a blood test this morning as well. So i still have to do those wee tests in the morning.....
Can i just say how i find it a bit stressful as you have to not pee for 4 hours and i always wake up at the wrong time and need to pee and then stay awake for too long...bla bla...
I'm generally feeling better about everything at the moment....moving right along but i have realised that i have to relax as much as i can ...and i'm a bit of a stress head....the minute it gets to a week like this one where i have to wait to organise appointments and transfers and then to make my accupuncture appointments around the transfers....i start to panic....I have to organise it all around work hours if possible and blah blah blah...
I'm feeling so tired at the moment too.
You know when you TRY to relax , you feel stressed if youre not relaxed?
i am carrying rescue remedy around and using it...i am constantly talking to myself saying that everything is really ok...nothings really wrong at all....i am walking as much as possible for exercise....and am even going to give meditation a go again...i have done it a bit in the past and loved it, just need to make time for everything..it's bloody hard.......and my neck went out today......boo hoo!
Anyway thanks for the whinge time i hope everyone else is going well.
xxxx

One down, five to go :(

Hi all,
I'm sad today.....yesterday i got my period...had a blood test...negative...i imagine that it's always particularly hard after your first stim cycle for it to be negative...
wow...it's hard...lots of crying yesterday...but lots of hugs with my girl as well. Im back at work today which i guess is a good distraction...
Luckily we have 5 more embryos frozen....still i feel scared at the whole unknown..... that's life.....
I've already told the nurses and booked in for my thaw scan in 10 days...there is still hope.....
This journey is so hard at times....
i can't seem to focus on much else whilst in it....
We rearranged the loungeroom on sunday for about 3 hours and it looks gorgeous...that was a great thing to do .
We had a few dinners with friends too which was a lovely distraction...
anyway...hope all is well for everyone xxx

Well into IVFand midway thru the waiting....

Hi Everyone,
It's been a few long weeks since i've been here....Wow what an intense and difficult journey at times....The drugs made me feel so sick i took almost two weeks off work...luckily they're flexible and kind...
I've been thru the egg pick up and we got 8 eggs and 6 embryos so i am very happy with that result.
I now have a lovely embryo in my ripe womb and am waiting....waiting and more waiting....
Next fri 18th i have my blood test and will find out if we are pregnant. very exciting, very scarey at times too...am trying to keep busy but not stressed...it's funny how you unconsciously stress anyway...
for instance today i woke up at 5 am unnecessarily...i couldn't get back to sleep until 10 to 7 when i had to get up...The alarm goes off and i've had a dream where i'm at a high school reunion..I'm meant to be performing for the event and i'm not ready, whilst all these dressed up women are arriving...Then half my face is paralysed..like a storke or something and i can't sing or play guitar.......such a pretty image to wake up to!!! especially having tossed and turned all night!
I must be getting ready for motherhood!!! LOL :)
Hope everyone else is doing well...and thanks for your responses i REALLY appreciate it!!!