Maybe take a break?

Hi all,

Di asked if i wanted to take a break from IVF for a month or two?

I hadn't even thought about it before...however.....5 days later i'm seriously considering it...
Of course we're both gonna have a good talk about it over the weekend...I just need to sort it out here for a while....
It's hard to let myself think about it....you know once you're on the role of going for it....
Mind you it's been 3 and half years for us and we've had a month off here and there...

I guess i feel a bit unsure...i never thought of having a break....we have two embryos left...I'm starting to panic a little...i really don't want to go thru a stim cycle again....I would tho...but anyway....
We have to pack and move house by the end of August and it seems that having a break might be good....
The thought of going for this next cycle does feel a bit much...it's hard work....

I think i'm answering myself as i write...
The fact i'm talking about a break indicates it might be necessary...

I need to see the bigger picture too...that our wellbeing is important....and a month or two break may be just what we need.....we can relax and house hunt and move and yes i'm erring towards a break....
It's amazing how hard on myself i can be in light of how much we've gone thru...i really need to give myself a break...ha ha
In my head i'm saying " you should keep going no matter what" bla bla "time is running out" bla blah blah....
So now i tell that part to fuck off and let me be.....

Hope everyone is travelling well xx

Bummer!

Hi All,
Got my period on the weekend....bummer!
After shedding the neccessary tears and feeling like a complete zombie in pain...i rested....watched dvds.....and am ok....feeling quite tired......
Will keep on going tho'.....
We have two embryos left so hopefully it happens soon....
we are still house hunting which is a great distraction....am still doing my best to stay relaxed and i can feel the stress rising a bit which is to be expected when your whole world is changing....
We've been renting our house for 5 years...planted trees in the yard and really nested there....
It's a bit hard the feeling of unknown and being uprooted...but we still plan to buy a place....a villa/unit....it's all really overwhelming at times but if i just keep focused and let the shitty moments go it's exciting too...
How bizarre life is at times...learning to just' be' in the unkown of it all is the most challenging thing for me.

Making way for new things....

Hi All,
I'm still waiting to ovulate....i reckon tomorrow or the next day....
my cycles seem to have lengthened since my stim cycle...this is now our third go...
I still feel quite relaxed about it all....which is great...
i've actually been feeling great! just appreciating all the good things in my life and it's been helpful....I'm really enjoying teaching my singing course...we're up to week 3...I love it...i need to change my career towards doing more of what i love!!!

Yesterday we got a letter of notice to vacate our home....
We have 60 days to find a new house....
We've been living there for 5 years....
i'm a little spun out and am contiually reminding myself to look at the positives....Time for a change.....making way for new things...cleaning out the old.....etc...it's mostly working....
I'm an old stresser from way back but this time i refuse to buy into it!!!
The challenge is on...(with myself)
We are going to find a beautiful house to live in......and that's it!!!
I want to stay relaxed as possible for our baby making ventures.....so let's see how it goes...
i may fumble and fall but i'm ok with that...I'll get back up again and keep thinking positive.....

Moving on and feeling good

Hi Everyone,
It's been a week or so since my last post....
Wow...what a journey....

So i had a chemical pregnancy which was just short by a week of being a miscarriage....
chemical pregnancy is when you test positive for a pregnancy but the level of hormone is very low and you bleed before 6 weeks....

i had never heard of it before....

I'm ok now....had a couple of really hard days...lots of tears and i'm back feeling great actually....
I am constantly astounded with my ability to bounce back so quickly...

You'd think i'd get it after so long and having gone through so much already on this journey of making a baby.
I need to admit it to myself...i am courageous and tough and vulnerable....3 perfect ingredients for becoming a mum....

Will start the seratec tests on sunday and go for my thaw scan that day too....

hope eveyone is travelling well...
xxx

Upset and scared

Hi everyone,
God what a ride!
i did a pregnancy test on sunday and it was positive..
I've been feeling nauseus for 8 or 9 days....i felt the implantation ages ago and no blood....so i'm pretty excited.....and feeling so sure about it....

then i went for the blood test on monday and the result was only a level of 14 ?????? they want it to be 100....
go fucken figure that one out?...I'm so upset...and scared ...
they told me to go back on thurs for another blood test.

The fucken waiting....

i feel so teary and i'm at work and fuck it,,

I have to pull myself together. I'm working all day and my singing workshop is starting tonight...
It'll be a good distraction....
I feel silly to even tell myself to be hopeful at this point but i may as well because there's still no sign of a period....
I just hope it doesn't drag on for too long where i have to keep going for blood tests and wait weeks and then deal with a miscarriage or something....
ok now i'm in tears at my desk, luckily know one can see me right now....
better out than in i always say....
thanks for listening. x

Waiting.....

Hi Everyone,
I have a blood test on monday, that's 3 days away to see if i'm pregnant.
I've been feeling really nauseus all week. I don't like to speculate....don't even want to write...
I'm feeling really good, relaxed, i can't quite believe it.....me relaxed
I'm wondering how long it will last?...it's been two weeks of me being relaxed..I'm in shock...

I don't know what else to write....i don't want to jinx it....as if anything i write or don't write could make a difference as to whether i'm pregnant or not :)

I'm starting a new singing workshop next week. I'm facilitating it here at my work after hours.
I'm quite excited and there's 8 participants.....nice and intimate.
Hope everyone is travelling well....

New Doco

Hi Everyone,
Had a great time at the Maybe Baby dinner the other night.
We got a sneak preview of a new documentary that's being released on SBS and at Film festivals soon. It's called 'Two Mums and a Dad'.It was excellent!
A real insight into one queer family's journey through conception, negotiating terms for the dad/donor and of course the birth of their beautiful baby.
It was very real and got people talking immediately.
It'll bring an awareness and opportunity for discussion about all the issues we face along this journey.I really got so much out of it and mostly felt a sense of hope that it is all possible.

I feel really relaxed and happy at the moment...Everything is out of my control and i'm ok with it for now....it's still the first week since our second transfer and i'm just so pleased with myself for relaxing and i guess i'm really happy to be off the IVF drugs and stress that caused me.
Hope everyone is travelling well. xxx