Passover/family blues

Hi All,
Just had an incredibley crap week....it happens every year around this time...my family is Jewish and it's Passover...a Jewish festival where the family gather round, eat like maniacs and have a ceremony/ritual, sing songs and have lots of fun....or not...depending on your family.... (It has the intensity of Christmas)
15 years ago my Dad excommunicated me from the family when i came out as a dyke....you can imagine the bliss that ensued...NOT....We didn't speak for 13 years.....His whole side of the family chose not to have anything to do with me.... I also chose not to have anything to do with them.....it's very difficult being ostracised by your family......I have a few select family members who are great...my mother in Byron Bay and my sister and Nana here in Melbourne...
Every year they get together for this giant family celebration( my nana and sister go to it) and every year i am not invited....
for some reason i havn't gotten tough over the years to say fuck you and not let it affect me...i'm human...it upsets me every year...some years i have made my own Passover celebrations with friends and my chosen family....the last few years Di and i have been going to my best friends family dinners....it's great and i love it, but i still get fucked up around the whole thing....
2 years ago i attenpted to make contact with my Dad to try and salvage something, anything?
I thought that i'd rise above the pain, ego,betrayal, hurt etc and contact him to see if we could build some kind of relataionship.....
It took every ounce of my courage and strength.....that's funny that was our school motto....Be Strong and of Good Courage!.....it must've sunk in somewhere...
I called him...he barely spoke...didn't have much to say....some of it was ok...but i almost had to convince him to meet up with me for a coffee and a talk...No remorse whatsoever!!!

He has no capacity for human feelings or thoughts much like a Mr Potatoe Head....he just happens to be my father.....anyway...over the last two years we've met up maybe 5 times for a meal....i think we met up once on our own ,then he came with his new girlfriend....I have decided to cease any form of contact with him...
It has really only caused me much grief and upset, for he will never accept me nor my choice in love. He cannot accept me for who i am. I thought for a while we made a bit of progress but bottom line reality is HE DOES NOT LOVE ME ENOUGH. So whilst that sometimes causes me great sadness and pain...that's the reality of it all and he will never be the father i wanted.
I have survived my whole life pretty much without him. Coming to terms with this is a hard journey...I'm sure i'll stumble and fall again.
The hardest thing for me is not to blame myself....I'm learning always learning.
Just after i'd made this decision to stop trying to contact him i found out that he had organised a Passover dinner at his new house and that i was not invited...I'm not sure what i unconsciously expected but i know he usually goes else where for the gathering and has moved in to a new house with his new girlfriend.
I have realised so much over the past few weeks...Mostly that i need people around me that love and support me....especially as we are trying to make our own family and a baby....it's a vulnerable process as many of you would know and i need to protect myself and our family....

Thanks for reading .